i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
