You really coming over, don't trick.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You smell like stripper and shame
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
