Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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