finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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