as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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