Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
