I CAN MOONWALK!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
