Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
