I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
