All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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