i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
