I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
