Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
