Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Screwed.edu
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
