Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
