Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The uberlube is also flammable
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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