Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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