it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
