hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
