u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
