he puts the penis in happiness.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
