i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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