people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
