where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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