You really coming over, don't trick.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
