I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
