The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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