five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
