You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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