Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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