After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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