The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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