i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
