so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
