somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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