Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is the high leading the old right now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
