yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
