I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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