just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
