Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
