I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
