either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
