me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
