I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize