I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
