You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
