Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
