Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
