Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
