It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
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