my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
