The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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