My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
