True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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