He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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