why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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