Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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