I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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