Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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