dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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