idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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