I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
