Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
