so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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