I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
