Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
