I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize