Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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