my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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