I met the friendliest cop last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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