Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize