i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
