I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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