Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
