I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
