when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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