I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize