My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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